symondrake » Humour http://www.symondrake.com The Official Site of Symon Drake Thu, 26 Aug 2010 10:17:18 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 Thank you John Daker http://www.symondrake.com/thank-you-john-daker/ http://www.symondrake.com/thank-you-john-daker/#comments Mon, 05 Jul 2010 08:42:10 +0000 Symon http://www.symondrake.com/?p=832 Dear Mr. Daker.

You don’t know me, but I feel I know you – and somehow connect on a deep level.  I relate.

This is just a short note to say Thank you.

Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for providing a ray of sunshine to otherwise dreary days.  You are an inspiration.  Such sincerity, such earnestness, such perseverance to the bitter end.  Your ingenuity was beyond your time… maybe too far ahead.  I mean – Who else would think of stringing ‘Christ The Lord Is Risen Today’ with ‘That’s Amore’?

I don’t laugh at you, I laugh with you… again and again.  They say laughter is the best medicine… so thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Symon Drake

]]> http://www.symondrake.com/thank-you-john-daker/feed/ 4 I am a singing at the party… http://www.symondrake.com/i-am-a-singing-at-the-party/ http://www.symondrake.com/i-am-a-singing-at-the-party/#comments Wed, 03 Feb 2010 08:42:42 +0000 Symon http://www.symondrake.com/?p=444

The latest movie to grace my best-movies-of-all-time list is a film that exudes intelligence, high drama, phenomenal acting and a deeply spiritual message…

Nacho Libre.

Some movies have the magical ability to get better with each viewing and Nacho Libre is definitely one of these.  Especially when the whole family watches it multiple times.  Then a well-placed Nacho quote, impression, song, or pose brings the house down and leaves happy memories forever after… like singing the  Encarnación song around the dinner table as a family (after sucking spaghetti up our noses) – Classic.

Below are some of my favourite Nacho Libre quotes…

Nacho: Chancho. When you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room. It’s for fun.

Sister Encarnación: Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the lord. Hiking, play volleyball…
Nacho: You gotta be kidding me. Everything you just said, is MY favourite thing to do, every day!

Nacho: I’m a little concerned right now. About… your salvation and stuff.

Nacho: I know the wrestlers get all the fancy ladies, and the clothes, and the fancy creams and lotions. But my life is good! Really good! I get to wake up every morning, at 5am, and make some soup! It’s the best. I love it. I get to lay in a bed, all by myself, all of my life! That’s fantastic!

Sister Encarnación: Where are your robes, Ignacio?
Nacho: They were… stinky. These are my recreational clothes.
Sister Encarnación: They look expensive.
Nacho: Thank you. I mean… they might have the appearance of riches, but beneath the clothes, we find a man… and beneath the man we find… his… nucleus.

Sister Encarnación: Ignacio, I have been looking all over for you, where have you been?
Nacho: I have been here. I have been sleeping.
Sister Encarnación: In a frilly shirt and slacks?
Nacho: They are my PJ’s.

I know, I know… just reading the quotes just don’t do them justice.    So why don’t you treat yourself to an evening of happy shenanigans and rent the DVD.  It’s good, clean, very very funny and…

“It’s the best.” ;-)

]]> http://www.symondrake.com/i-am-a-singing-at-the-party/feed/ 6 Save the fluffy bunny! http://www.symondrake.com/save-the-fluffy-bunny/ http://www.symondrake.com/save-the-fluffy-bunny/#comments Thu, 05 Nov 2009 07:00:00 +0000 Symon http://www.symondrake.com/?p=204
I remember dissecting a rabbit at high school… while my friend fainted. Good memories.

Now a couple of decades later, at approx 8:01pm I stumbled upon a fluffy bunny in desperate need of life-saving surgery… with only a minute to operate.

Talk about pressure.

The story has a happy ending (after three attempts). House would have been proud.

Click here to operate on fluffy bunny too ;-)

]]> http://www.symondrake.com/save-the-fluffy-bunny/feed/ 5 The Mair Park Bigfoot pays off http://www.symondrake.com/the-mair-park-bigfoot-pays-off/ http://www.symondrake.com/the-mair-park-bigfoot-pays-off/#comments Tue, 06 Oct 2009 04:01:00 +0000 Symon http://www.symondrake.com/?p=198 Many moons ago while surfing Amazon’s Listmanias I came across an author by the name of Jeremy Robinson. To cut a long story short, he was running a viral video contest to promote his new book, Pulse. I bribed my good buddy Lesmondj into spending a Saturday afternoon in the bush and what eventuated was two versions of the now infamous Bigfoot attack video (over 10,000 hits now on Metacafe and YouTube).

We won by a landslide, the closest (and only) opponent trailing by 9000ish hits (but who’s counting) and I was delighted to recieve the promised books last week.

A massive THANKYOU to Jeremy Robinson for the very generous prize (and for forking out mega moolah for the postage). Please check out his site here.

And for all those dying to know how the movie magic was created, here is some Bigfoot Attack Footage trivia…

1. No, the Bigfoot wasn’t real. There was more than one concerned person thinking the footage was authentic. Lesmondj and I must have the mean acting skills (and girls dig guys who have skills…).

2. The entire attack scene was done on the first take… with an imagined Bigfoot, yes imagined, not real.

3. Jon Dylan used his computer hacking skills to overlay the Bigfoot sound effects (purchased from Itunes for $1.79).

4. Apparently, the Bigfoot growls sound identical to a real Bigfoot, as one reader commented (as she deals with them on a daily basis – seriously).

5. The Mair Park Ghost legend is mostly true.

6. On the short version, Yes, the blood was real… from my nose. Don’t ask.

7. The rotting bone at the cave’s entrance (tedious version) was stolen from my dog.

8. Lesmondj spent the majority of the attack scene voluntarily lying in a puddle of water. The mark of a true friend.

9. There was no script.

View the short (and exhilirating) version below:


Footage of Bigfoot Attack? – Click here for more blooper videos

View the long (but informative) version below:

]]> http://www.symondrake.com/the-mair-park-bigfoot-pays-off/feed/ 4 Narnia and Me http://www.symondrake.com/narnia-and-me/ http://www.symondrake.com/narnia-and-me/#comments Tue, 08 Sep 2009 07:37:00 +0000 Symon http://www.symondrake.com/?p=190
Our Whippet puppy, Narnia, is 7 months old. Although I love her to bits, sometimes I really do wonder if it’s worth it. Let me give you a run down on the finer points of life with a Whippet…

1. Narnia was created by God to bring embarrassment to an otherwise happy life.

2. Narnia has almost an acre to herself but insists on visiting the neighbour’s properties and inviting herself into their houses.

3. Narnia get super-excited, jumpy and licky when she meets people who hate dogs.

4. Narnia can sit, lie down, speak, shake hands, and come on command… but only if she sees a treat in my hand, and then only when she feels like it.

5. Narnia is just now coming to terms with toilet training.

6. Narnia is in love with our cat Barney.

7. Narnia will jump on the sofa, stand an inch away from my ear, and bark until I play with her.

8. Narnia is a firm believer in the age-old addage, “If it can be chewed, it will be, or I will die trying.”

9. Narnia enjoys a bone in the sunshine, tied to the clothesline, until she gets bored and then she will bark continuously until she is brought inside.

10. Narnia’s shenanigans have prompted a visit from the SPCA, and a visit from a disgruntled neighbour.

I don’t think there is another human being alive who relates to ‘Marley and Me’ more than me.

]]> http://www.symondrake.com/narnia-and-me/feed/ 9 The mobile phone and the poo explosion http://www.symondrake.com/the-mobile-phone-and-the-poo-explosion/ http://www.symondrake.com/the-mobile-phone-and-the-poo-explosion/#comments Sun, 06 Sep 2009 09:09:00 +0000 Symon http://www.symondrake.com/?p=188
Yesterday’s post reminded me of a fateful day in 2006 while living in our very first house.

Prologue

Daddy’s little princess decided to send daddy’s phone on a marvelous adventure into the wonderful world of waterland.

Chapter 1: What if?

It all started a couple of days before when, one moment I had my mobile phone, and the next minute I didn’t. That, in itself is not unusual at all for me, because I misplace things all the time. What was strange was that after hours of searching in our very small house, the phone remained elusive. I came to the conclusion that it had been abducted by the same aliens that had stolen everything else that I have lost and never found again. That was until our toilet decided to have the mother of all blockages, and I began to wonder “What if…”.

Chapter 2: Evacuated

Yes indeed. The toilet was blocked so bad that absolutely no water would flush, and no amount of plunging would unstop it. The family had to be evacuated (as is usual procedure for civil emergencies), and I spent the next day excavating the back yard in an attempt to find the drain pipe.

Chapter 3: Drainman

I employed the services of an elderly (but very experienced) drainman, who assured me there was no pipe in existence that couldn’t be unblocked with his ‘contraption’. This contraption was a highly modified high pressure hose which worked its way up/or down blocked drain-pipes blasting (and therefore dislodging) every thing daring to stand in its way. All seemed to be going according to plan, until the contraption met with a very solid immovable object (phone-shaped if you will) which had lodged itself in the pipe, effectively halting a week’s worth of poo and paper.

Chapter 4: Fire in the hole!

The drainman, realising that his reputation was on the line now, determined that no blockage would get the better of him. He proceeded to break a hole in the pipe’s wall, and with the contraption at full throttle at one end, attempted to dislodge the blockage with his bare-hands at the other. Very bad idea.

Chapter 5: Oh …

I never did see what caused the blockage as it was well and truly ‘flushed away’ in the deluge that ensued… What I did see however (and I’m sure it was in slow-motion), was the drainman coming face to face with his adversary in explosive fashion, quite literally. If ever there was a wrong time to be in a wrong place… it was where the drainman was. I only wish I had a video-recorder.

Chapter 6: …Happy Day

Have you ever had one of those precious moments in life when, although you know you shouldn’t, you laugh at another person’s expense, and it makes your day? This was one of those times. It was almost worth all the trouble.

Chapter 7: Hardly ever after

The drainman, with his vast years of experience said that blockage was consistent with the mobile-phone-flushed-down-the-toilet-by-a-toddler hypothesis. Before he went home to wash up, I asked him if he ever got sick. He replied… hardly ever.

Epilogue

850,000 phones meet death by toilet yearly in the UK. http://www.wirelessinfo.com/

]]> http://www.symondrake.com/the-mobile-phone-and-the-poo-explosion/feed/ 4 Post a day for the month of September http://www.symondrake.com/post-a-day-for-the-month-of-september/ http://www.symondrake.com/post-a-day-for-the-month-of-september/#comments Tue, 01 Sep 2009 11:44:00 +0000 Symon http://www.symondrake.com/?p=183 It’s 11.49pm and PaisleyJade has been harassing me to start blogging regularly again. Well, blow me down, I’m gonna attempt a post-a-day-for-the-month-of-September (has a certain ring to it, don’t you think?).

11.52pm. Thinking, thinking… Eureka!

I hereby dedicate September’s first post to the one and only LesmondJ.

(I’ll think of something more intelligent to blog about tomorrow… 6 minutes away ;-)

]]> http://www.symondrake.com/post-a-day-for-the-month-of-september/feed/ 6 ‘Dangerous breed’ dog owners with children beware! http://www.symondrake.com/dangerous-breed-dog-owners-with-children-beware/ http://www.symondrake.com/dangerous-breed-dog-owners-with-children-beware/#comments Fri, 05 Jun 2009 23:19:00 +0000 Symon http://www.symondrake.com/?p=175 If you are an owner of a dog that belongs to a ‘dangerous breed’ category and you also have a small child please take this as a warning. Don’t leave your dog with the child unattended under any circumstances.

Only a little moment was enough for the following to happen.

]]> http://www.symondrake.com/dangerous-breed-dog-owners-with-children-beware/feed/ 5 Crochet rocks! (Thanks to Woo) http://www.symondrake.com/crochet-rocks-thanks-to-woo/ http://www.symondrake.com/crochet-rocks-thanks-to-woo/#comments Tue, 02 Jun 2009 09:16:00 +0000 Symon http://www.symondrake.com/?p=174
Yes, you did read the post title correctly. I, Burton… former mocker of crocheters worldwide have changed my ways. I have seen the light, and I owe it all to Woo!

This guy has actually succeeded in turning me from one who was embarrassed to be in the same car with my wife while she crocheted, to someone who not only is okay with crochet… but who now thinks crochet ROCKS!

Be sure to check out his blog, his work is very impressive, and he is absolutely hilarious!

PS – Howie… do you have the instructions for those awesome grenades?

Green ’round Grenades from WooWork on Vimeo.

]]> http://www.symondrake.com/crochet-rocks-thanks-to-woo/feed/ 7 Treat your mother right… fool! http://www.symondrake.com/treat-your-mother-right-fool/ http://www.symondrake.com/treat-your-mother-right-fool/#comments Mon, 01 Jun 2009 10:21:00 +0000 Symon http://www.symondrake.com/?p=173 Anyone growing up in the 80′s loved Mr. T. He was an icon of a bygone and fondly reminisced era. My wife even had a crush on him back in the day (married me because we look so similar;-) But I digress.

What I bet most of us Gen X’s don’t know (or anyone else for that matter) is that Mr. T had a brief stint as a singer/songwriter. I kid you not… and video proof follows.

Kinda catchy if you ask me…

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