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The Mair Park Bigfoot pays off

Symon — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 04:01:00 +0000

Many moons ago while surfing Amazon’s Listmanias I came across an author by the name of Jeremy Robinson. To cut a long story short, he was running a viral video contest to promote his new book, Pulse. I bribed my good buddy Lesmondj into spending a Saturday afternoon in the bush and what eventuated was two versions of the now infamous Bigfoot attack video (over 10,000 hits now on Metacafe and YouTube).

We won by a landslide, the closest (and only) opponent trailing by 9000ish hits (but who’s counting) and I was delighted to recieve the promised books last week.

A massive THANKYOU to Jeremy Robinson for the very generous prize (and for forking out mega moolah for the postage). Please check out his site here.

And for all those dying to know how the movie magic was created, here is some Bigfoot Attack Footage trivia…

1. No, the Bigfoot wasn’t real. There was more than one concerned person thinking the footage was authentic. Lesmondj and I must have the mean acting skills (and girls dig guys who have skills…).

2. The entire attack scene was done on the first take… with an imagined Bigfoot, yes imagined, not real.

3. Jon Dylan used his computer hacking skills to overlay the Bigfoot sound effects (purchased from Itunes for $1.79).

4. Apparently, the Bigfoot growls sound identical to a real Bigfoot, as one reader commented (as she deals with them on a daily basis – seriously).

5. The Mair Park Ghost legend is mostly true.

6. On the short version, Yes, the blood was real… from my nose. Don’t ask.

7. The rotting bone at the cave’s entrance (tedious version) was stolen from my dog.

8. Lesmondj spent the majority of the attack scene voluntarily lying in a puddle of water. The mark of a true friend.

9. There was no script.

View the short (and exhilirating) version below:

Footage of Bigfoot Attack? – Click here for more blooper videos

View the long (but informative) version below:

Narnia and Me

Symon — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 07:37:00 +0000

Our Whippet puppy, Narnia, is 7 months old. Although I love her to bits, sometimes I really do wonder if it’s worth it. Let me give you a run down on the finer points of life with a Whippet…

1. Narnia was created by God to bring embarrassment to an otherwise happy life.

2. Narnia has almost an acre to herself but insists on visiting the neighbour’s properties and inviting herself into their houses.

3. Narnia get super-excited, jumpy and licky when she meets people who hate dogs.

4. Narnia can sit, lie down, speak, shake hands, and come on command… but only if she sees a treat in my hand, and then only when she feels like it.

5. Narnia is just now coming to terms with toilet training.

6. Narnia is in love with our cat Barney.

7. Narnia will jump on the sofa, stand an inch away from my ear, and bark until I play with her.

8. Narnia is a firm believer in the age-old addage, “If it can be chewed, it will be, or I will die trying.”

9. Narnia enjoys a bone in the sunshine, tied to the clothesline, until she gets bored and then she will bark continuously until she is brought inside.

10. Narnia’s shenanigans have prompted a visit from the SPCA, and a visit from a disgruntled neighbour.

I don’t think there is another human being alive who relates to ‘Marley and Me’ more than me.

The mobile phone and the poo explosion

Symon — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 09:09:00 +0000

Yesterday’s post reminded me of a fateful day in 2006 while living in our very first house.

Prologue

Daddy’s little princess decided to send daddy’s phone on a marvelous adventure into the wonderful world of waterland.

Chapter 1: What if?

It all started a couple of days before when, one moment I had my mobile phone, and the next minute I didn’t. That, in itself is not unusual at all for me, because I misplace things all the time. What was strange was that after hours of searching in our very small house, the phone remained elusive. I came to the conclusion that it had been abducted by the same aliens that had stolen everything else that I have lost and never found again. That was until our toilet decided to have the mother of all blockages, and I began to wonder “What if…”.

Chapter 2: Evacuated

Yes indeed. The toilet was blocked so bad that absolutely no water would flush, and no amount of plunging would unstop it. The family had to be evacuated (as is usual procedure for civil emergencies), and I spent the next day excavating the back yard in an attempt to find the drain pipe.

Chapter 3: Drainman

I employed the services of an elderly (but very experienced) drainman, who assured me there was no pipe in existence that couldn’t be unblocked with his ‘contraption’. This contraption was a highly modified high pressure hose which worked its way up/or down blocked drain-pipes blasting (and therefore dislodging) every thing daring to stand in its way. All seemed to be going according to plan, until the contraption met with a very solid immovable object (phone-shaped if you will) which had lodged itself in the pipe, effectively halting a week’s worth of poo and paper.

Chapter 4: Fire in the hole!

The drainman, realising that his reputation was on the line now, determined that no blockage would get the better of him. He proceeded to break a hole in the pipe’s wall, and with the contraption at full throttle at one end, attempted to dislodge the blockage with his bare-hands at the other. Very bad idea.

Chapter 5: Oh …

I never did see what caused the blockage as it was well and truly ‘flushed away’ in the deluge that ensued… What I did see however (and I’m sure it was in slow-motion), was the drainman coming face to face with his adversary in explosive fashion, quite literally. If ever there was a wrong time to be in a wrong place… it was where the drainman was. I only wish I had a video-recorder.

Chapter 6: …Happy Day

Have you ever had one of those precious moments in life when, although you know you shouldn’t, you laugh at another person’s expense, and it makes your day? This was one of those times. It was almost worth all the trouble.

Chapter 7: Hardly ever after

The drainman, with his vast years of experience said that blockage was consistent with the mobile-phone-flushed-down-the-toilet-by-a-toddler hypothesis. Before he went home to wash up, I asked him if he ever got sick. He replied… hardly ever.

Epilogue

850,000 phones meet death by toilet yearly in the UK. http://www.wirelessinfo.com/

What’s really lurking down the plughole

Symon — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 08:41:00 +0000

I had to unblock the bathroom sink the other evening… joy. With the help of a crochet hook borrowed from PaisleyJade (yes, they really are good for something), I was able to pull out what I can only describe as a greeny, slimy, smelly, hairy, stringy goop that had to be seen to be believed. What caused it? Who knows… who wants to know? Which got me thinking…

Does anyone really know what lurks in the pipes under our houses? One recent discovery has been aptly titled ‘The sewer monster’ (see clip below).

They are saying that the monster is nothing more than masses of Tubifex worms… but I say that is very debatable. If you watch the monster closely, you will notice that it has what looks like a membrane enveloping it, unlike worms, and it is above the water, unlike worms, and it retreats from light as one organism, unlike worms (see clip below).

To conclude, I wonder if what I pulled up out of the plughole was a decomposing ‘sewer monster’? My advice is don’t get too close to the plughole next time you brush your teeth.

(Why am I thinking about the facehugger from Alien right now?)

Authentic footage of Bigfoot attack?

Symon — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 09:43:00 +0000

A couple of weeks ago Lesmond and I entered a viral video contest promoting PULSE by Jeremy Robinson.

Although entertaining, the movie was far too long and I hate to say it… boring. Good news folks. I have re-edited it to a lean 1.15 minutes, and thanks to a blood-nose (don’t ask), it now has an alternate ending (like special edition DVDs ;-)

So PLEASE view the clip below and tell your friends about it as the more views it has, the better chance I have of winning. Thanks heaps!

Footage of Bigfoot Attack?

Crochet rocks! (Thanks to Woo)

Symon — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 09:16:00 +0000

Yes, you did read the post title correctly. I, Burton… former mocker of crocheters worldwide have changed my ways. I have seen the light, and I owe it all to Woo!

This guy has actually succeeded in turning me from one who was embarrassed to be in the same car with my wife while she crocheted, to someone who not only is okay with crochet… but who now thinks crochet ROCKS!

Be sure to check out his blog, his work is very impressive, and he is absolutely hilarious!

PS – Howie… do you have the instructions for those awesome grenades?

Green ’round Grenades from WooWork on Vimeo.

Hip Chess for retro kidults

Symon — Sun, 17 May 2009 21:08:00 +0000

Chess rocks. I was in the chess club at school. I once had a very expensive medieval chess set. I love chess. Alas, I can count the number of fellow chess-loving-enthusiasts in my current circle of friends on no hands… zilch. nada. zero.

Imagine my delight when my 7 year old son came home from school last week and said, “Dad… can you teach me how to play chess?”

Parental bliss.

And so, having a re-kindled desire to go out and buy a Chess set which oozes awesomeness, I’ve been doing some research… and it seems that Chess for retro kidults is now very, very cool indeed. The problem is, you need a lot of money to be that cool. Looks like I’m gonna have to start saving ;-)

Spider-Man Deluxe Pewter Chess Set: $499 (USD)

Aliens Deluxe Pewter Chess Set: $374.99 (USD)

Lord Of The Rings Collectors Chess Set: $649.99 (USD)

Lego Ultimate Castle Chess Set: $300 (USD)

Star Wars Collectors Chess Set: $599 (USD)

I’m okay with crochet

Symon — Mon, 04 May 2009 20:59:00 +0000

For those of you that follow the world’s most amazing wife’s blog, you will know that her new found love is (ahem) crochet.

At first I thought that my wife was having a crises of sorts. I mean crocheting? That’s what old-fashioned ladies carry in their 2-wheeled-shopping bags. Even the word ‘crochet’, if pronounced the way it looks is off-putting.

Nevertheless, for the last few weeks, my wife has been crocheting everywhere… in the car, in the bed, at the dog park, probably in the bathroom…

PaisleyJade’s womanly wiles have paid off and I have finally come around. I Burton, confess that I’m now okay with crochet. In fact, some (and I emphasise ‘some’) crochet is actually very cool. Still, most (and I emphasise ‘most’) crochet is atrocious.

The good…
The bad…

Symon and the Real Girl

Symon — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 22:00:00 +0000

It’s our wedding anniversary today. I was scrummaging through my shed this morning (as you do on your wedding anniversary) and found my Best Man’s wedding speech. Wayne, you did a legendary job with this, and it still makes me crack up thirteen years later!

So for a window into our life almost a decade and a half ago, read on…

Ode to Symon and Kristy

Symon was a quiet lad, or so we have been told
But we knew that things would have to change before he grew too old
At the age of sixteen he picked up a guitar and began to sing and write
Committed to his cause he wrote a barrelful of tunes, sometimes two or three a night
They were songs to change the world, and songs to spread the word
And yet most of the songs that Symon wrote, no one ever heard (except me)

A few years down the track, God answered Symon’s prayer
On Friday night the phone did ring and a voice said “It’s Brian here”
The news that Brian brought gave the greatest of great joys…
An offer for Symon to play the bass for a band called “The Flatboys”
Symon quickly accepted Brian’s offer to play
He rang his mum and told his friends and started the very next day
With lots of gigs booked and Summer Harvest camp
Symon took his biggest step yet and bought a brand new bass amp

Symon’s new Peavey was all his pride and joy
At $2000 he told his mum that it really wasn’t a toy
With low gain, high gain, crossover and DI
The bass amp had Symon’s heart, and to girls he turned a blind eye
For several years Symon and his amp continued in perpetual bliss
And whenever he spent a few days away, it was only his amp that he’d miss

And then one day without warning, a girl came on the scene
She went by the name of Kristy, and Symon was definitely keen
Kristy, Kristy meek and mild… No one knew of her intent
But between you and I and Warren and Brian, the bass amp knew what it meant
As time went by the Kristy thing eventually took its course
Symon and his poor old amp had to file for divorce

So if you’re wondering if these two are a good match
Of Symon at least you can be quite sure, in Kristy he’s found a good catch
Late at night when Kristy tells Symon it’s his turn to turn off the lamp
She knows without doubt she’s the only girl in the world…
Who got him to sell his bass amp

Happy anniversary Princess! I still think you are a ‘good catch’. Love you heaps babe.

Nana was kung fu fighting

Symon — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 07:35:00 +0000

Nana passed away when I was a tween. She lived out of town and I never saw her all that much. She was an elderly, eccentric, half-Italian lady, who knew a lot of grief in her lifetime.

One memory of her that always makes me smile is the time she stayed with us a few days during the school holidays in the eighties.

It seemed like Nana lived for soap operas and no one could pry her from the television set during her daily helping of Young And The Restless, Days Of Our Lives and other similar drivel.

I was going through a Jackie Chan phase at the time and had absent-mindedly forgotten to eject ‘Project A’ (Jackie Chan classic) from the video player, when it was Nana’s turn to watch the tele.

Nana must have wondered why her much-loved soaps had become so action-packed all of a sudden, because unbeknownst to me at the time, she had accidentally pushed ‘Play’ on the remote and watched Jackie Chan for two hours!

Wax on wax off Nana! The following youtube clip is dedicated to you ;-)