8

I like spiders

Posted on September 30, 2008 by Symon

NZ Black Tunnelweb Spider
I moved an old railway sleeper yesterday and found (to my delight) a Brown Vagrant Spider. I was rather enjoying handling it when I realised that I’m not that scared of spiders anymore. Actually, it is almost a miracle, becasue I am becoming rather fond of them now.

NZ Brown Vagrant Spider

Three months ago, I had a deep fear of spiders. Now, I have a healthy respect, and fascination for them (from fiends to friends in 3 months… not bad). My secret? I forced myself to handle them, until fear gave way to common sense. Simple (but not easy).

I could have easily pushed it too far though (as some of you thought I did with the White-tail). The other day I found a huge Tunnelweb spider (about 25% bigger than the Vagrant shown in photo above) and was about to handle it, but chickened out. Was a good thing that I did, because I recieved a reply from a NZ spider expert about them which said…

Hi Symon. Tunnelweb spiders are not very social and often attack rather than run away and they hit hard using their whole body to sink their 5mm fangs into you so we recommend you DON’T HANDLE them. I tried to move our Tunnelweb with a knitting needle, over to the other side of her enclosure, she viciously attacked it I could feel and hear her hitting the knitting needle each time she attacked I definitely won’t be hand feeding her.

You can read about why I became scared of spiders, and my decision to own that fear here. You can read about my encounter with the small, but dangerous Whitetail here.

6

Statler and Waldorf go snowboarding

Posted on September 29, 2008 by Symon

On Friday night I had never been on a snowboard. On Saturday morning I found myself at the very top of the slope with only one way down. On Saturday afternoon I was ‘pulling off some sweet jumps’ and riding over Herbie. On Sunday morning I had the sorest muscles I’ve ever had.
It was Lesmond J’s birthday treat and I accompanied the man himself and Josh ‘Big Rig’ to Snowplanet for the day.
Thank you Lesmond for being a great friend!
Thank you Jacksta for the complimentary ticket!
Thank you Josh for driving us there and back and for the great company!
Thank you Shauny and Matty P. for the loan of the gear!
Thank you (most of all) God that I didn’t dislocate my arm again or break a bone!
Goodtimes!

9

What to do if attacked by a giant snake

Posted on September 28, 2008 by Symon

As a follow up to my Great Snakes post, here is an excerpt (in italics) from the US Government Peace Corps Manual for volunteers working in the Amazon Jungle. It details what to do if an anaconda attacks you. Please keep in mind that a mature anaconda can easily swallow an adult human whole…
1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than you are.
2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your sides, your legs tight against one another.
3. Tuck your chin in.
4. The snake will begin to nudge and climb over your body.
5. Do not panic.
6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you from the feet end – always from the feet end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and ankles. Do not panic!
7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.
8. When the snake has reached your knees slowly and with as little movement as possible, reach down, take your knife and very gently slide it into the side of the snake’s mouth between the edge of its mouth and your leg, then suddenly rip upwards, killing the snake.
9. Be sure you have your knife.
10. Be sure your knife is sharp.
1

Shower power

Posted on September 27, 2008 by Symon

We have low shower pressure. It’s very annoying, but at least it saves us on power.

The in-laws have high shower pressure. I had a shower at their house tonight, and was blown away by the strength of the water (almost literally).

It reminded me of an Seinfield episode I once saw, where Kramer desperately wanted more water pressure, and would do almost anything to get it. To this day, I think it is the funniest part of the whole Seinfield era.

View the clip below.

5

I gave a girl head injuries

Posted on September 26, 2008 by Symon

Now that I have your attention with the dramatic post title…

Wesley Intermediate School, 1985, Form 2. There was a girl my my class called Sarah. One day after lunch (I remember it as though it were yesterday), she was about to sit down at her desk. I saw my window of opportunity and didn’t hesistate to make the most of it. Being completely oblivious to any consequences… I pulled the chair out from underneath her before she sat on it. I had imagined that Sarah would graciously fall on her behind, I’d be the class comedian, she would see the funny side, there would be laughs all round and good times would be had by all. Boy, I was so wrong. Before Sarah’s behind had a chance to even touch the ground, her head come down on the corner of the desk… hard.

Have you ever had one of those moments, when you would give almost anything to go back in time just a few seconds, and not do the stupid thing you just did? This was one of those times.

There were no laughs to be heard. Sarah was crying (at least she wasn’t unconscious). There were no good times being had by all. Everyone who was present at the time hurled abuse at me. I was not the class comedian… I was the class moron. Not quite what I had envisioned.

I gave a girl head injuries (well, maybe ‘head injuries’ is a bit over dramatic)… I humiliated a very nice girl and gave her a bad bruise and a massive bump on her head.

Sarah, I said it on the day, but I want to say it again… I’m sorry. I was such an idiot.

Guys, please don’t treat girls like this… ever.
12

I’m an oxymoron

Posted on September 25, 2008 by Symon

A few months ago I wrote a very brief post about adulthood here. Today is the continuing bittersweet story of my internal struggle with being an oxymoron (please note the ‘oxy’ in front of ‘moron’). What is an oxymoron you ask? Wikipedia’s definition below…

“An oxymoron is a figure of speech that combines two normally contradictory terms terms.”

My oxymoronism has a name. I am a kidult. What is a kidult you ask? Wikipedia’s definition below…

“A kidult is a “grown-up” person who enjoys being a part of youth culture and doing things that are usually thought as more suitable for children.”

Feel my pain…

I know I’m all grown up because…

My radio station of preferace is ‘Talkback ZB’.

I actually enjoy watching Parlament TV.

The 17-year-old I was talking to this morning didn’t have any idea what a flannelgraph is.

I have no idea who Hannah Montana is.

Haircuts now include eyebrows and nosehairs.

On the otherhand, I know I’m still youthful because…

Spongebob is still the best thing on TV.

Youthchurch is the church service I look forward to the most.

When people call me Mr. Drake, I look around for my dad.

I can’t wait for Christmas so I can play with the kid’s new toys.

My preferred clothing is skinny jeans, tee-shirt, chucks, and tighty whiteys (urban dictionary says they’re cool anyway).

And so the dilema continues…

3

Matrix Ping Pong

Posted on September 24, 2008 by Symon

Was vaguely watching the Fair Go ad awards, and saw the excellent State Insurance ad (the one with the guy with the fake legs). It reminded me of a clip I saw on ‘the youtube’ (as some people call it), a couple of years ago…

Double click the clip below to be entertained, amazed and inspired to play ping pong!

10

Top children’s books of all time

Posted on September 23, 2008 by Symon

Just to surprise you all, tonight’s post is my pick on the top seven children’s books of all time. Having once been a kid myself, and now having four (which we take to the library weekly), I think my opinion is qualified ;-)

So for those of you with nieces/nephews between the ages of 2 to 6, or who are thinking of having a child some time… consider this post ‘pure gold’.

8. A Very Hungry Caterpillar

(Written and illustated by Eric Carle. First published in 1969.)

An extremely simple but clever book that has become one of the best selling books of all time (over 25,000,000).

7. Ten Dirty Pigs/Ten Clean Pigs

(Written by Carol Roth and illustrated by Pam Paparone. First published in 1999.)

Half of the book is about ten dirty pigs and how they get clean, and the other half is about ten clean pigs and how they get dirty. Clever and very amusing.


6. The Monster At The End Of This Book

(Written by John Stone and illustrated by Michael Smollin. First published in 1971.)

This book has sentimental vaule as it was the first book I ever remember reading all by myself. It also has a classic ending, and lovable furry old Grover.

5. There Was An Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly
(Illustrated by Pam Adams. Published in 2000.)

To this day I still wonder how the old lady could get the animals in her gut and in one piece in the first place!

4. The Bear Scouts
(Written and illustrated by Stan and Jan Berenstein. First published in 1967.)

Almost all of the Bearenstein Bear books are awesome (I still laugh at them, which either means they have great inter-generational value, or I’m very immature ;-)

3. Fox in Socks
(Written and illustrated by Theodor Seuss Geisel. First Published in 1965.)

I never yet have read this book right through, out loud, and at normal speed without getting words mixed up. All of Dr. Seuss’s books are legendary, but this is his masterpiece IMO.

2. A Fish Out Of Water
(Written by Helen Palmer and illustrated by P. D. Eastman. First published in 1961.)

Another classic from my childhood. It has an ending that has fustrated me my whole life!

1. Chimp And Zee
(Written by Laurence Anholt and illustrated by Katherine Anholt. First published in 2001.)

The very best children’s book has got to be Chimp and Zee. I could not recommend this book more highly. I’ve read it out load so many times (between 50 and 100) and I still get a kick out of it!
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